This path to becoming the best version of myself has not been easy. I’ve found that the most difficult part has been being able to actually change my internal disposition once I’ve identified that a behavior is no longer serving me. What I think is change, or refer to me as being different, doesn’t always allude to a different outcome. I often give up trying before giving myself enough time to see the product of my consistency all the way through. In addition to this, it is often hard to decipher when I am convincing myself of what I want to be true vs. what actually is true because I live in the world of my illusions most time.
At the end of the day, and regardless of this case, I thank Olodumare for my Ori and my dreams. No matter what I try to tell myself, my dreams will reveal the true state of my subconscious mind. With that, I can see very clearly where the gaps still lie, what is actually perpetuating a particular behavior, what season and/or pattern I’ve healed, and which one(s) are just being repeated. When I get too far from reality, and too far down the rabbit hole of convincing myself of something to be true; my dreams will reveal to me a series of familiar experiences centered around certain patterns. When I’m able to be real with myself, I know at that point I’m in an illusion.
I started this year off…not so much on the foot that I intended to. I found myself going down a rabbit hole of repeated cycles back to back. So…I decided to take a look at what my dreams were two years ago. Lo and behold, some of the dreams displayed a very similar if not exact undertone of patterns and habits that I’ve been experiencing lately. Some of the challenges I had then have resurfaced now. If not the same challenge, the mindset perpetuates the habits that cause the challenge. Needless to say…I am the problem. My dreams also reveal that I am the solution if and when I want to be.
The SHYNE curriculum has been one of the most liberating and triggering practices I’ve endured in my entire years of living. Tracking my dreams and foundational self-care practices, in particular, have been both liberating and triggering. However, it is the one thing that can save my life at any intersection I feel completely disconnected. Why? Because it gives me back what it is that I tell myself. It gives me back exactly what I put out, so I can never make up any story behind what and how I feel. Whether I’m honest with myself or not, I always have something that I can look back on. This helps me be able to see what was happening, what set me off, what got me back, and what I didn’t have in the process that I need to implement now.
My spiritual, mental, and emotional health are my top priorities this year because with those intact I know that anything I put my mind to I can accomplish. Beyond my means. With those intact, I know that my Ancestors and my Ori can speak to me clearly in my dreams, and direct me to the problems, solutions, blessings, and insight to assist me in directing my life. My commitment to myself this year is staying committed. No matter what. If I have to fall off, fall off and get right back up, but stay committed. Stay the course, and document the process through and through.