Praying for change is honestly the easiest part of the process in personal transformation. When life is getting the best of me and has me backed in a corner, I suddenly get a spark of fight within me. That fight is what I’ve learned fuels my purpose. Being reminded that I am not my circumstances and have the ability to recreate myself has been eye opening. Having relationships with other people in this season has shown me more than ever that I need my alone time. Isolation triggers my abandonment wounds. Incorporating hip opening exercises has brought up a lot that needed to rear its head. Being diagnosed with PCOS late last year was surprisingly hard to ingest for me. I’ve seen other family members experience it and even had symptoms myself, so I knew it was only inevitable. Having it confirmed made me realize that I have to do something about it. I now know that it’s a cause for my anxiety and depression, yet what's next?
Recently I had a parent-teacher conference with my 3-year-old's ABA therapist. He was diagnosed with Autism late last year as well and I’ve made it my business to give him all the
resources he needs. During this particular meeting, she was describing my child's behavior and explaining how she wants to change his treatment going forward. As she was talking, I felt like she was reading my whole life and I couldn’t help but laugh on the inside because my child is definitely a mirror. My child is stubborn, behaves in escapism when he doesn’t want to do his work for the day, and flops down on the floor when seeking attention (good or bad attention). It struck me when she posed the question, “How can we expect results if he’s not doing the work?”
I’ve been wondering if my spiritual court thinks the same of me. I’m prone to escapism, shying
away from the work that I know will heal my bloodline, and often disappear altogether when I’m avoiding something. In my recent ancestral divination, I was called out for honesty of thought. In order to have peace, there are assignments I have to complete. This is the work. The work of personal transformation. There’s a choice to be made. Self-sabotage isn’t an option in this season. So how do I hold myself accountable? Do the work.
I’m soft right now. For myself. I’m trusting and committed. That’s what building relationships looks like. I’m building a relationship with myself right now. My 2023 intentions were simple:
Balance and Alafia. May feels like the appropriate month to embody this change. To embody the shift. Throat chakra and heart chakra healing are activated.