I am a 44, soon to be 45, year old woman, and for most of my life, I have been living like a teenager, especially in the area of my finances. Spending money recklessly and not making wise financial decisions. Blowing checks on food, clothes, and having to spend excessively on unnecessary late fees and past due payments--not good--and these habits have followed me for decades, at this point. As I am currently working to have discipline in this area of my life, it has shown me how disconnected from reality I can be. I am not some millionaire who can afford to “blow money fast” I am a woman working on being divinely aligned in order to heal myself and my family and to walk towards my destiny. I ask myself “How did I get to this point?
Why do I tend to be so irresponsible when it comes to my well-being, but I can take responsibility for others when it comes to my job or in relationships that don’t serve me?” The answer is…I don’t focus on myself and my truth and I want to “look” like I have it all together on the outside when internally I’m a mess. I want to look and feel like I can do all the things; go to restaurants, go to expensive venues, help everyone, and have the money to do anything that I’m big and bold enough to do and all these external desires have often left me in a state of lack, which then turns into fear when the people start calling wanting their payments. You know the people…the debt collectors, the electric people, the cell phone people. Everyone.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I was facing eviction. Yep. I am well employed, have a great work-life balance, have an advancing career and I was facing eviction. I had no plan and no way to wiggle out of this, so I thought, but my Ancestors had a plan for me. I was beyond blessed to be able to pay the rental company and avoid being put out of my home. I needed help because without it I would just keep repeating similar patterns that do not honor the woman that I am becoming. I’m so thankful for the one-on-one Spiritual Life coaching that I enrolled in with Iya Oloruntomi because I felt safe enough to be the most vulnerable that I have ever been with ANYONE regarding my finances and the extent to my irresponsibility. The mask was off and the light shone upon me. I had to let go of ego and pride and be receptive to guidance and help in an area that is very intimate and personal.
Through doing this, I have learned that having a healthy relationship with money is helping me to have a healthier relationship with my Ancestors, as money comes from my Ancestors. Money is an energy, not something to throw away carelessly. Money is tied to my root chakra which is where my Ancestors dwell, and the way I was treating it was causing not only destabilization within myself but also disturbing my Ancestors' rest. The Root Chakra is responsible for my feeling of security and stability and mine was all jacked up due to my carelessness. I see it now. The constant worry of what was going to get cut off or how many bills were piling up and acting as if these things weren’t happening caused me so much inner and outer turmoil that sometimes it was hard to sleep at night and I would show up the next day at work or other spaces as if I was okay and I wasn’t and I wasn’t being honest either. I was living in a state of illusion and for what?
Through weekly coaching sessions I was guided in a plan to just do the basic things; learn my billing cycles and due dates, write them down, make phone calls, make the daggon payments, and stop playing around with my life. I am becoming better at knowing how much I get paid, who I can pay, making sure I get my spiritual work done, making sure I have money for my self-care practices, and just being in the driver’s seat when it comes to my financial freedom. Being responsible for myself, holding myself accountable, and creating discipline around the energy of money. There have been times when I have stayed on plan and there have been times when I ventured off the path and did what I wanted to do, and that set me back a whole month on a repayment plan.
Although this process has been difficult emotionally, the peace that I feel from being caught up on payments, not having creditors call multiple times a day, and operating in honesty and awareness on this part of my life, is indescribable. Doing Spiritual work that honors my ancestors and following through on what has been brought forward has led to me already being able to meet my goal of slashing at least 50% of my past debt by end of 2023, removal of derogatory items from my credit, and a blessing from my Ancestors that allowed me to be able to do so. I had to get out of my own way, and I need to apply this thought pattern to a lot of other areas in my life that will bring peace and balance to my life.
Feelings of insecurity, anxiety, stress, and loss are destabilizing energies that often come and go in my life and I don’t have to stay in those energies. I definitely have tools that will not only help alleviate those feelings, but I also have help and a community that will not let those energies take precedence over what is best for me so that I can continue on my path of healing and aligning myself with who God has created me to be, a woman of destiny and purpose.