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Healing is Leading Me to Clarity

Man, in 2017 I was on a roll: exercising, losing hella weight, cooking healthy foods, on my way to start training to compete in bodybuilding and sharing my love for it all with all my friends on social media. I loved sharing all the ways my body was changing, my exercises, healthy recipes and personal development tips. I had found a way to work out my life’s purpose of bringing health to the underserved communities and to help inspire wellness into families of color. I started to wonder about being a life coach. Through my research of different programs, I was led to the School of Integrative Nutrition, where they offered a year long self guided program about the path of Health Coaching. I applied, was accepted, and was on my way to improving health and happiness and creating a ripple effect that transforms the world, the school’s mission.


A year later, I received my certificate and was on my way to changing the lives of my friends and family. I enrolled into a business coaching group and learned about social media marketing, website building, and learned how to market and pitch. All the things, right? I loved it and soaked up all this information like a sponge, applied the knowledge, and got results. I had clients, facebook groups, marketed myself, and was conducting interest calls offering ways people could get started on the road to Holistic Wellness, as I believed it to be at the time. I was moving in alignment with my purpose, and it felt great, until I hit a wall.


I had a traumatic experience with one of my trainers and that ignited a downward spiral in which I started gaining my weight back. I wasn’t in the gym, and I felt like I couldn’t offer anything to anyone anymore. My business was slipping, and I had no idea how to pick it back up because I wasn’t doing the work myself. I had to figure out how to “coach” myself WHOLElistically. Working with different trainers was not the answer. My nutrition was part of the answer, but not the total answer. The answer was becoming more aware of myself, my root issues, and understanding the importance of acknowledging Spirit, softening and opening up to the wisdom of the Divine, and being committed to my healing journey.


Whew, that’s a lot.


Here we are in 2022. I am still not coaching. I am learning, healing, and accepting my worthiness. Healing is more than losing weight, eating healthy meals, exercising, and sharing. Healing is an intimate journey with myself, exploring the depths of my story and the stories of my ancestors. Most importantly, Healing takes time. My healing involves practices that produce Liberation which is experienced through honesty of thought and self-awareness. As I read through my journal from this year, I have had quite a busy existence to say the least. I stopped on a page where I was reflecting on something that happened in my dream space as it relates to a business that I was running that was very successful as evidenced by this Rover that I was driving. It read:


Thinking upon it now brought me some clarity around what Iya was telling me last night about running a business with integrity as to not cause spiritual chaos within someone’s life. She spoke on so many potent things and I’m like WOW, this is why I’m called to this space (SHYNE). Integrity. Discipline. Character. Balance. I’m learning. It’s time to get real intimate with myself.”


I probably will, at some point, coach again. It's a gift that I have based on my human design and what I know in my heart. However, will it be in the same way that I was in previous years? Not quite sure about that. Whatever way Spirit leads and decides on how I will use my gift, I will be better equipped to help my community, through a different lens, on what WHOLElistic health truly means with Spirit at the center, emotional liberation, self-awareness, consumption, all of which I am currently developing a personal relationship with so when it comes time for me to move in the way Spirit designs, I will be able to do so authentically and with integrity. And that’s one to grow on. Asé.



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