My oldest had a dentist appointment this week. It allowed us to sleep in for an hour over our normal wake up time. I was reminded of the simplicity of the medicine in resting. We all needed that extra hour. I sometimes get so caught up in sticking to the schedule that I find myself out of flow with the natural rhythm of things.
For pretty much the entire month of February, I was under the weather with a reoccurring cold that would leave and come back with a vengeance. Now that March is here, Atlanta has had pollen thicker than Aunt Jackie’s syrup. This year’s reaction to the seasonal change has been intense, to say the least. It’s been revealed to me that my allergy to pollen is just a physical response to me resisting. Why do I always have to “fight” through my storms? Why can’t my storms just be a lesson of learning to remain calm through it all? To fully trust that God sees and hears me? These questions also make me wonder why rest is a repeat lesson. Does loving myself really have to be that hard? Am I not deserving of all the beautiful things that I’ve prayed for?
Whether you’re church going or not, everyone has heard the saying, “God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good.” So sense God is within me, it’s my responsibility to make sure She’s well. I have to allow her to be good by nurturing my mind, body, and spirit with good things. Am I allowing myself to feel safe and be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually well? Or have I been “capping” like things are all good (externally) like the two silver caps my oldest got put on his teeth this week?
I need to heal my mother and father wounds. Abandonment has been a highlight in my healing journey thus far as well. I know these things won’t be healed overnight, but I can start now. I can make changes and be a willing participant in my own introspection everyday. It’s all my choice. I can observe my emotions constantly, journal my heart out on paper (everyday if I have to), dance, meditate, laugh, cry, talk to my inner child, drink water, soak in water, go to therapy, exercise, and above all, remain present with gratitude for my spiritual court. I can even change it up and do something different.
I desire to create my own spiritual experiences by healing my heart and continuing to grow/evolve into the woman God has purpose for me to be. I’m choosing to surrender to the path that Spirit is bringing me into alignment with. So what’s next? No more excuses and self sabotaging. No more breaking my own heart with what has to go as it no longer serves me. No more participating in low vibrational activities. I’m starting over again today. I just might start over again tomorrow too. I know Spirit is moving me, so I have to be willing to move and get in sync with God’s music in my heart too.
This is a 7 year. My mom has 7 kids. I’m the oldest. I’m the one that will continue to break the generational cycles. The number 7 represents the cycle of completion. Deep breath. Yes, I deserve the life filled with the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). I’m presently surrendering into it.
