I have a tendency to make things bigger than what they are. It could be a comment, a side-eye glance, or an email and without warning my brain will fall straight down a rabbit hole of the endless schemes that warranted the action. I do more than overanalyze, I obsess over small details that people would never notice or would never need days on end to process. If I receive a text from a friend that says, “We need to talk” my thoughts will formulate every possible worst-case scenario regarding the content and context of the message. Did I say or do something wrong? What punctuation came at the end of the message? Were there emojis, and if so, what could they mean? The over-complication of my mind and thoughts spill over into nearly every aspect of my life, including my spiritual work.
One of the biggest blessings I have received in the IFA tradition is the straightforwardness of the messages. I am able to ask questions and receive direct answers from the spiritual realm. Yet, even after receiving direct answers, I’ll still find ways to overanalyze, overthink, and worry over the shifts I should make in my life. It’s as if I want my path to be more difficult or rather I expect spirituality to be much more complicated for me to access.
When I first began my spiritual journey, I felt there was so much I needed to do and to learn to get closer to the spiritual realm. I bought tarot cards, crystals, a shadow workbook, and a yoga mat. I was anxious to do a deep dive into all things “spiritual.” Yet, with all the things I bought, I was still unable to find answers to the biggest question of all, “Am I doing this right?” I thought something was obviously off with me because I didn’t feel any new connection to the spiritual realm. I believed that I wasn’t going deep enough, and I considered setting up an altar since it was something everyone else seemed to do. Thankfully, the altar did not happen, and eventually, all the extra bells and whistles I had accumulated were removed. The issue was not that I wasn’t going deep enough, the issue was that I was overcomplicating my experience. It wasn’t that I needed a shift in my access to Spirit, I needed (and still continue to need) a shift in my mind. Even now as my communication with Spirit has become simpler through direct messaging of kola nut, I still find some way to overthink the direction I receive. The truth is that I am addicted to chaos and struggle so much so that simplification seems like a foreign concept. Struggle is familiar, overanalyzing comes naturally, but all these are detrimental to my well-being.
Now, I am in a position where I either continue how I have always done—fighting, resisting, complaining—or I adopt a new mindset that allows me to embrace the flow and progression of my life. This means that I need to go back to therapy to address old narratives, a path that I have greatly resisted because I wanted to believe that I could change decades’ worth of self-destruction through rituals and meditation. This means that I have to invest as much as in my mental health as I do in my spiritual health. This means that I shed this mindset that keeps me paralyzed, fearful, overworked and truly examine the areas of my history and disposition that keep my mind on high alert. I’m tired of making things so complicated when they do not have to be, and creating narratives that either are not true or no longer serve me. Life already comes with its own struggles, there’s no need for me to add more to it.